I hate bringing this film up. Not because I have fond memories of it. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be here.
I hate bringing this film up because I genuinely like John Carpenter as a director. He has given us some of the best action and/or horror films of the past 40 years, including Escape from New York. So it feels a little bad mentioning one of his films here.
Nevertheless…
The year is 1996. I was single and living in Boston. I was riding the dot-com boom, working odd hours. So I had a lot of free time (and cash). So I indulged my love of movies on a regular basis. I was living in the Allston section of Boston, so the closest theater was at Cleveland Circle where Boston and Brookline meet at the end of the “C” track on the Green Line. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time there.
So one night, my roommate and I decide to go and see “Escape from L.A.” It was a no-brainer. Snake Plissken, more dystopia, another US city gone to seed, lots of gunplay. A good time sure to be had by all.
Um, sorry, no.
It was a painful film to watch. In 2013, the US has become a cross between PETA and the Family Research Council’s idea of Heaven*. No cursing, no eating meat, no pre-marital sex and so forth. Anyone who doesn’t conform to the President’s moral code is exiled to LA, which has become the latest city/prison. Unlike New York, there is no return. Once you go, you’re gone.
Into this insanity the president’s daughter (aptly named Utopia) has fled, carrying a doomsday device that can shut down all the power sources on Earth. Why? Because a terrorist has somehow, over 3000 miles away, brainwashed her into doing so.
Oh, and the terrorist’s name? Cuervo Jones. So already you can see a couple of problems here. The main one being how we’re supposed to take seriously a terrorist named after a bottle of tequila.
Anyway, in order to retrieve the device, Snake Plissken is brought in. He’s supposed to go to LA, get the doomsday device and bring the President’s daughter back for execution for committing treason. As usual, he is persuaded to do so by imminent death. This time, it’s a virus that will kill him in nine hours unless the President gives him the antidote.
After some ominous quotes, Snake goes into LA. Insanity ensues. He (of course) escapes with the girl and the doomsday device. And, if you remember how New York ended, you’ll know the President doesn’t get what he wants.
Now, from what you’ve read it sounds decent, right? But there were two things against it.
One, and I felt it was the biggest problem, is that it was the same damn film as New York. Snake goes into a city to recover something and someone, forced to by imminent death. Lots of trouble, has to engage in some death sport (here a deadly game of basketball) and then escapes at the last minute. Oh, and he screws the President over. There was nothing, nothing new here.
Two, it had what at the time was the worst CGI sequence I have ever seen. Snake has to surf down a LA reservoir, and it is so obvious that what we are watching is Kurt Russell against a green screen. (In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t be so hard against Carpenter on this point. Anyone remember Bond surfing into North Korea in Die Another Day? Maybe its just surfing that needs to be done away with when it comes to CGI.)
Regardless, the film was a tepid rehash. The acting was slightly sub-par. The plot was not original at all. And it seemed like Kurt was walking through his role. This, since he had done the same film already, is perfectly understandable.
This marked the first time I thought Carpenter had seriously misfired in his films. That opinion was only reinforced when I saw Vampire$. Luckily, after that I didn’t watch Ghosts of Mars. From what I have heard, lancing a boil may be a better way to spend your time.
It was a bad film, not worth the money spent on the ticket. Luckily, my roommate and I were both of age and we got drunk afterwards at CitySide Bar & Grille . Which is a great place to drink, if you’re ever in the area**. So it wasn’t a total loss.
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* Basically, imagine Rick Santorum and the most annoying vegan you have ever met having a baby.
** At least, it was a great place to drink. This was 17 years ago...for all I know they turned it into some hipster hangout where everyone has muttonchops and they drink infused vodka.
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